The importance of understanding gender differences in marriage.

Perfectly Imperfect

In this message series, what we've been doing for the last month or so, we've been looking at marriage. Besides our relationship with Jesus, it is the most important relationship in life. And what we've tried to do, is take a realistic look at some of the challenges that each of us face when it comes to marriage. I began the series quoting from the Apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians 7, as he talks about marriage. In that case, he's addressing some single adults who were considering marriage. And he says, 'but those who marry will face many troubles in this life.' Right.

And oftentimes, on the outside, we don't know exactly what we're getting into.

I mean, none of us know exactly what we're getting into. And we say 'I do.'

But one of the challenges that that we want to address today is how different God has made us by design, and through those differences, God intends for us to complement each other rather than allow those differences to divide us. Because the reality is, they can do one or the other. You know, sometimes when it comes to marriage, we tend to think of marriage like I think about my car.

Right. Nowadays, I want my car to work. I don't necessarily want to work on my car. Right? Sometimes we think, Pastor, why do you need to talk so much about working on our marriage? Well, the reality is, in order for marriage to work, we have to work at it. And so what we're doing these days is trying to address the challenges with that.

If you have your Bibles this morning, I want to begin in Matthew, Chapter 19.Turn there, if you would, for just a moment. The context is that Jesus is asking a question related, interestingly enough, to divorce. There were two schools of thought in His day in the Jewish culture. One, was kind of an easy, no fault divorce method. And the other, was that divorce was only in the case of marital infidelity. And so they're trying to pin Jesus down. And notice what it says, they're actually trying to test Him, in Matthew 19, beginning verse three:

"It says some Pharisees came to Him to test Him and they asked, is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?"

That was a hot, hot topic in his day. Notice how Jesus responds. He says, "Haven't you read?" In other words, 'don't you know your Bible?' Don't you know the Old Testament law?

"Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the creator made them male and female." "And," he said, "for this cause, a man will leave his father and be united to his wife and the two will become one flesh."

In other words, what he's describing there is the dynamic of God's intent that within the marriage covenant. There is to be a committed relationship, not just physically, but emotionally, spiritually, relationally; in every way to be so melded together so that there is a unity, a complementary function, that is described as 'one flesh.' Then notice what Jesus goes on to say in verse six. He says, "so they are no longer two, but one flesh."

In other words, there is a difference with Him individually. There is a new union, and there is a new relationship that is dynamic. And he says, "therefore, what God has joined together let no one separate."

I know over the years I've done I don't know how many weddings. And in every wedding that I do, when I get to that point, 'Do you take this woman to be your awfully wedded wife?', 'Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or worse, richer or poorer sickness and in health?' I mean, that's where it goes. And then at the end of that, when I have the privilege to present, "...to you, Mr. and Mrs.," you may kiss your bride, and then I'll always end with this statement:

What God has joined together. Let no one separate.

Let's talk about that for a moment. Do you remember when you very first met? Here. [introduces large visual of woman's face] We have, I'll call her, 'Frisco Francis'. Ok, Frisco Francis and [introduces large visual of man's face] 'Frisco Fred' were introduced by friends one day. Kay and Fred saw Francis, and Fred said, "Hey, hey, hey." Right? And Francis saw Fred and said, "not bad." Right?

And so they began to think, 'hey, maybe we should go out together, maybe we should spend some time together...' And so Fred began to pursue her. Ok?

He did it with focused intent, right? And he would take her out on special dates. He would dress up. He was very intentional. And he would listen. And she would talk, and he would listen. And she would talk. And all the while, she's looking at him going, 'could he be the one? I mean, I don't know. So far he's passed the test.' Right?

And then they eventually said, well, maybe we can do life together. So here he is, and they say, 'I do' and a preacher says, 'you did'. And you are, right? And what the Bible says is, at that moment when they committed to each other before God, you still had Fred and Francis, but the two we're no longer simply separated. The two had become one. That's God's intent.

Not that we lose our individuality in marriage, but that there is something about the relationship that is so committed and intertwined together that we do life together. It's called oneness. The goal of marriage is oneness. But here's the challenge, ladies and gentlemen. Oftentimes, the way the male thinks of this, because we're [men are] task-oriented, goal-oriented, is, we think the goal is getting her to say 'I do.' And once we've married, it should take care of itself.

I checked that box; not realizing that marriage is a dynamic relationship. With the goal of oneness that has to be worked for.

And from her standpoint, by the time that she says 'yes' to him, she thinks, oh, we're about to continue this courtship, and this relationship, on into marriage. And just as he was attentive to me when he dated me, and pursued me prior to marriage, I'm sure that's just going to continue.

And what happens unintentionally from the male perspective? It is oftentimes, that he thinks, "I've checked that box. Now, I need to focus on the next goal. I want to focus on the career." Or, perhaps they have a child together and then her focus then goes from 'them' as two to focusing primarily on the child. Or, they're navigating the challenges of doing life together, balancing careers and such.

And what they discover is that the magic that was there, that spontaneity, that spark, that was part of what brought them together, is now a lot of work. And those relational differences that were once treated like, 'hey, I'm kind of attracted to that,' become the differences that are like, 'I'm kind of annoyed by that.' Because every strength has a corresponding weakness.

And you see, it is the work of the evil one to take that which God designed to be one and to separate it. To take the differences between us and allow them to become a wedge between us. God's design, His divine math is one plus one equals one. But how does that happen when the ones are so radically different? That's what we're going to talk about today.

If you have your Bibles, turn to Genesis chapter two, because Genesis chapter two gives us a focus, kind of a a zoom lens on that which Jesus just referred to in Matthew Chapter 19, as he quotes from chapter one and chapter two. Look at the creation account with me for just a moment.

And it says, ..."and so the man..." The context is, man was created first. God placed him in the garden and he's he's given the responsibility of naming the animals. And notice what it says, "So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the sky in the wild animals. But for Adam, no suitable helper was found." Underline that for a moment. You know, that's an unfortunate English translation from the original language, to be honest. When it says 'no suitable helper', the idea—oftentimes we think,oh, Ok, so Eve would just come, you know,tag along. She was just there to help him out.

It's not at all what it means in the original language.

Because when it talks about helper, that word 'helper', is a word 'ezer(ay'-zer)' in the Hebrew, and it occurs 21 times in the Bible—18 of the times, it refers to God rescuing, ok? So when it says that God created Eve to help Adam, think of it in terms of 'rescued the poor guy', because that is much closer. In other words, it is a word that speaks of that which supplies something that is lacking.

And then when it says 'suitable for,' it is a compound word in Hebrew, it means 'like, but yet opposite.' So I want to quote for just a moment from the great theologian Sylvester Stallone. Remember the movie Rocky? In the movie Rocky, you had, of course, Sylvester Stallone's primary role is that of the boxer Rocky. And he had a friend named Paulie, and Paulie had a sister named Adrian that Rocky was rather fond of. And they have a conversation in the movie. If you'll remember where Paulie is looking at Rocky going, you know, "What's the attraction?" What do you see in my sister?" Right? And so he ask the question,n"Roc--what's the attraction, man?" What is Rocky's response? "I don't know...she fills gaps." To which he responds, "What's gaps?!" To which Rocky responds, "I don't know. She got gaps, and I got gaps. Together, we fill gaps." That was the theological truth right there. You had no idea the profundity of that statement.

Because that is exactly what scripture says. God's intent was in marriage, that we fill each other's gaps, that we complement each other. That we're not the same. We are equal. We are co-image bearers of God. Fully equal in his sight. Yet, we're not the same.

By any stretch of imagination. And so God is created us different for the purpose of it being dynamic and not destructive, and I think that's the key. And I want to talk about that this morning. And so I want to begin by sharing with you three ways that I'm different from my spouse, and how one of the challenges for us doing life together is to understand our differences, and to complement one another.

So let me just mention a few things. I'm sure you've probably heard several of these before.

We're different biologically, we're different in creation. Again, look at verse four of Matthew 19. Notice when Jesus says, "Haven't you read..." He replied that at the beginning, (this would be before of the fall, before sin entered the picture) that was God's intent, His design, that which He created and called good. At the beginning, the Creator made them male and female.

Now we live in a society, in a culture that wants to deep gender rise people to blur the gender differences. I think it's unhealthy. It's unwise, certainly un-biblical. Because the reality is that God has created us distinct, and our gender differences are a God-given gift. And so I want to talk about those for a moment. Just a few biological differences.

I think probably many of you know that one of the primary differences has to do with the hormones related to male and female. The primary hormone for males as testosterone, as you know.

But even prior to birth, when the baby boy is being developed in the mother's womb, you realize that the brain of that infant before birth is awash with testosterone. What that does, guys, is it damages a portion of our brain. So we can honestly say 'I can't help it.' You know, I was brain-damaged from the get go. I say that laughing.

But the reality is that females have, on average, 40 percent more fibers, connective tissues between the two hemispheres of the brain. Now, what that means is that females are able to process more information than a male can at a given moment. Men tend to be very sequential thinkers, and we we don't easily or naturally go from one subject to another. We can only take in a certain, limited amount, of information. In other words, if I were to put on the screen a bunch of flash up there—a bunch of subliminal, or quick, messages in rapid succession—and then ask you to write down what you saw, by and large the women would far excel the men in in that kind of test.

Because you [women] have more connective tissues between the two hemispheres. In your brain, you're able to be a bilateral thinker, or you're able to be a right-brain and a left-brain thinker more simultaneously than we are. Which means, you are more in touch with your feelings. And that's why when you ask a man, 'how are you feeling?' 'Well, how do you feel about that?' That requires a whole other process. "I don't know." And, when he says 'I don't know,' he's being honest. He doesn't have a clue.

And just understand, that's how he's made, for example. How we communicate is different. Research on preschool boys and preschool girls, for example, has indicated that in 100 percent of preschool girls, the sounds they make are language-related. One hundred percent! For preschool boys, it's about 65 percent. 65 to 68 percent. So you think, what is the other 38 percent? The other 38 percent are things like this [variety of quick guttural/percussive noise making].

It is any wonder language develops faster with girls typically than it does with boys? And because of that, because you [girls/women] have the ability to process more information, are more in-tune with your feelings, as a result of that, you [girls/women] tend to speak more. And you tend to be able to express yourself more. Now, I know there's some differences, but we're talking about generalities. The average female speaks about 25,000 words a day. The average man speaks about 10,000 words a day.

And so you have the average female and the average male at the end of their work day, as they come together, he may have already done nine thousand of his ten...and she is just ramping up. Right. And you wonder why—it's like the number one complaint of wives about their husband is 'I can not get him to talk to me.' One of the main reasons for that. Is the way that we handle stress.

As a matter of fact, there's an excellent book that I highly recommend. It's rather humorous, but it's very excellent material, called, "Men Are From Mars, Women are from Venus." And I know whenever we talk about stereotypes, there are those that are outliers and there are those that it doesn't necessarily specifically apply to you.

But I think there are a lot of truths that do generally apply. And one of those has to do with how we handle stress. In the book, Dr. John Gray points out that men, when they're under stress or have a problem to solve or challenge, tend to go into their 'cave' to sort things out. And here's the way he describes it. Listen to this. He says, "men don't tend to talk about what's bothering us because the talk about it tends to remind us of the problem, and make it worse. So here's what Gray says, and I quote, "When a man gets upset, he never talks about what's bothering him. He would never bother another man with his problems unless his friends assistance was necessary to solve the problem. Instead, he becomes very quiet and goes to his private cave to think about the problem, mulling it over to find a solution. When he has found a solution, he feels much better. And then he comes out of his cave. In other words, then he's willing to talk about it. This is radically different from how most women deal with stress." And again, a quote from Gray, He says, "When a woman comes upset or stressed by her day to find relief, she seeks out someone she trusts and then talks in great detail about the problems of her day. When women share feelings of being overwhelmed, they suddenly feel better. However, women feel better by openly talking about their problems. Men tend to feel worse when problems are openly discussed."

Can you see how that might be a challenge?!

The challenge [wives], is when you know your spouse is upset and he's wanting to process and think through things, and he's had a rough day, and he's going into his cave, you FOLLOWING him into the cave! Let's talk about this. And you [wives] press him. He's like, 'I don't want to talk about this. It makes me feel worse. Let me figure this out, sort this out. Then I'll be willing and able to talk about it.'

Those are just a few differences between us. But, do you see God created us male and female? God designed us that way, to complement each other. Not so that those things would be destructive or harmful.

And, we could talk about others [differences]. There are some humorous ones. God has wired is different biologically. And, God has done that for our good. God has done that so that it might be dynamic, so that we might live together in understanding that we might complement each other, that there might be a strength that is there when together, that is not there, apart.

Let's talk about a second difference for just a moment, one that has to do with personality differences or temperament differences. I'm constantly amazed how God has a sense of humor in putting people together, how the extrovert oftentimes marries the introvert, right? How you have the verbally-gifted and effusive marries the kind of quiet, shy introvert. And they complement one another.

But, oftentimes, those different temperaments can be points of challenge or misunderstanding. First, let's look at introversion and extroversion. I don't know if you're aware of this. 'Introversion' is not the same thing as 'shyness'. I always thought introvert meant that you were socially inept—and that's not necessarily true introversion. According to Susan Cain and her excellent book called 'Quiet: The Power of Introverts'. She says research indicates that introversion has more to do with how we refuel than it has to do with skill-related to social interaction.

I tend to be more introverted, and that means, I don't have a problem (I'm not shy) getting up, speaking on the Sunday morning, like this. But afterwards, I'm drained from doing that. Chris Hurt (Student Minister) on the other hand, is an extreme extrovert. The more people involved, the bigger the party, the more fuel he gets from it. For me, it's more draining, right? It doesn't mean that one of us is shy and one is not. No! We're different. And so when you you take an introvert and an extrovert, the extrovert is saying, "Hey, let's have a party!" And the introvert is saying, "that's the last thing I want, to have is a party." I just I would be prefer to be alone or with a small group because that's how I recharge. So what do you do when you marry each other? What do you do, what are your expectations of how you spend your time together? What about family gatherings? You know, it's so humorous when you have, perhaps, an only-child who's an introvert, marrying an extrovert who is part of a large family. And you wonder, why there are challenges, right?

Some of us are also 'internal' processors, while others of us are 'external' processors. What do I mean by that? The internal processors are those who think things through before they speak. External processors—they think about things AS they speak. External processors tend to be like the sports announcers of 'why'. Right? Those commentators, they kind of give you a blow by blow of what's going on. You're not wondering what they think, because it's it's constantly there for you. Now, what happens when you put those two together? What happens sometimes? The spouse thinks, 'I can't get him or her to talk to me' when really, it's just how each person processes things differently.

Some of us are more structured. Others of us are more spontaneous. I know when Kim and our first married, you know, when we were early in our marriage, we would plan vacations. And I remember that was a point of frustration for Kim, because she would plan. She was a detail planner. She's very organized, highly organized. And I'm very grateful for that. Well, we would go on vacation and she had to have a plan. But then, I want to change it because I thought something else sounded more fun. Right? And when I realized this wait a minute, this is let's try to complement each other. So now when we do vacations, I'll say it's going to be so many days, we're gonna go here, and here's a 'loose' agenda. And she takes care of all of the 'getting us there', and all the stuff related to that. And then, she allowed me a little more flexibility. Because, sometimes, what we thought was a good idea is not such a good idea. Or there's a better option that comes up. And so we're able to complement each other and even our vacations are more enjoyable. I mean, that's just a small example.

But 'small' things are big things, right?

And I realized that I need her and she supplies in our relationship some things that, I really lean on her for, and vice versa. And we have different personalities.

So, how do we do life together? What if the spender is married to the saver? How did the two come together into a budget so they can do life together in a way that doesn't blow up?

And I'll mention one other difference for just a moment. That's experiential differences. I mentioned family of origin backgrounds.

You know, Jesus says, "for this cause, a man will leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife." In that day, typically in Jewish culture, the wife would leave her home and go and live with the husband's family. And then when they're able, they would move out on their own. That was kind of the context of Jesus day.

But notice, he says that there is a leaving, there is a cleaving—that when the two of you come together, there is now a new way of doing life together. One of the challenges in being married is when one or both thinks, 'the only way this ought to go is the way we did it in the home I grew up in'. And they're trying to replicate what they experienced, or force that on their spouse. Something you need to do is to come together and say 'no, we have to leave'. But, we need to establish something together that is different.

I love the movie 'My Big Fat Greek Wedding'. If you want to appreciate the differences of people coming from various cultures or family backgrounds and how to bring the two together in a way that is life-giving, that's an excellent, excellent movie to see together and to discuss.

And so here's the question. We come together with these different experiences. How do we give and receive love to one another in a way that resonates and honors each other? I mean, we're called to do that. We're called to love one another. And, one of the things we can do, knowing how we experience love is different, is communicate about these things.

Dr. Gary Chapman wrote an excellent book called 'The Five Love Languages'. And in that book, he talks about how we feel love. He says, "for some of us, 'words of affirmation' are how we feel love. Just an encouraging word can mean so much others. Another, is quality time. This one of Kim's—quality time. Time, where we're giving focused attention to each other. For some, it's receiving gifts. I remember we had not been married that long when I discovered that receiving gifts was how my mother-in-law receieved love at the time. Her love language was was 'receiving gifts'. And I remember she would be so frustrated with us, because we would be late driving from Austin to San Antonio, where they lived. And she would be really upset because we were supposed to be there at a certain time, and we'd typically not leave on time, so we'd be late. And then I remember when we thought, 'let's take her something'. Now, we knew we were gonna be in big trouble, because we were really late this one time, right? I remember what it was like—we took her a loaf of bread. It was a simple little little thing. So we come in, and we say, "Hey, we got this for you." We handed it to her and the whole atmosphere changed. We thought, WOW. Ok, that was easy. Note to self—if you're gonna be late, take Helen small gift — things will be great. That was kind of her love language.

For some it's acts of service. It's, 'show me that you love me by serving me', and for others it is just simple, physical touch. And by that I mean an embrace, a hug. Sometimes a holding of the hand means all the world and makes us feel connected.

And so here's the challenge. When Jesus says the 'two will become one' and they're no longer two—how does that work? How do we respond? And, here's the big question—how do you respond to the differences between each other?

Really, they're kind of three things we can do.

I can sometimes try to make my spouse more like me. Right? I can try to control them. I think, well, clearly what needs to change is them, because the way I do things are right. Right? And some of us I mean, that's kind of our bit, isn't it? It's like, well, this is the way we did things in my home. "This surely this is the way you should..." Right? We project that...we try to make them more like 'me'. Some of us simply tolerate their differences, thinking, 'Well, I don't have to enjoy it, it's just the way he is, I guess'. Or, do you accept and celebrate their differences?

Turn to first Peter chapter three for just a moment. I'll end with this. First Peter chapter three gives us, I think, a challenge for how we navigate some of these differences. First Peter chapter three, verse seven. It's a word specifically to husbands, but it applies to both in the marriage context. Look at what it says, first Peter 3:7. It says, "husbands in the same way, be considerate as you live with your wives, treat them with respect as the weaker partner in this, heirs with you, of the gracious gift of life so that nothing will hinder your prayers." When it talks about the weaker partner, he's certainly talking about physical strength, but also, he's talking about 'weaker' in the sense of that which is more fragile, which needs to be handled with greater care. In other words, be sensitive to her. But notice the command to be considerate. The words translated 'considerate' are 'kata [according to] gnosin'[knowledge]' in the Greek. It means to live with them according to knowledge. In other words, seek to understand your spouse.

And guys, that's a command to us. Gals, that's also a command to you. Seek to understand your spouse. Seek to appreciate how they're wired. Don't try to manipulate that. Don't don't form them into your own shape. But see how God has wired them. Be considerate of them. I love the way first Peter three seven puts it in the new living. Listen to this,"This is in the same way, you husbands. You must give honor to your wives. In other words, treat them as valuable, as honorable. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together, she may be weaker than you, but she is the equal partner in God's gift of new life. Treat her as you should so that your prayers will not be hindered." Notice what that scripture points to. If we're going to do life together in a way that two become one, then it requires that we do life together with accountability to God.

As I shared with you the first two weeks of this series, for a marriage to thrive, for our marriages to be all that God would have them to be; marriages are healed and are fixed and are corrected vertically before they are horizontally. And that's why when God says, 'let no one separate,' and when God says live with them, 'according to knowledge', that is the command to us to be accountable, to God.

And so the place to start is to say, "God, what would you change in me? God, how do I need to change in order to not only understand, but to affirm and to build up my spouse?" It starts with you. You, dealing with your selfishness and your sin and seeing yourself as the bigger challenge than your spouse. Rather than focusing on those differences; the things that frustrate you, why don't you focus on the things that you know are your issues before God. And if you don't know what those are, ask Him. He'll show them to you.

Jesse Suarez and Kimberly Northcut-Suarez went through a real challenge in their relationship a couple of years ago. And God, through His wisdom, put people in their lives to help them through it. God dealt with them, bringing the two of them, headed in opposite directions, two people quite different from each other, who now have a new oneness in Him.

[VIDEO TESTIMONY].
[JESSE] Hi, my name is Jesse Suarez.

[KIMBERLY] Hi, my name is Kimberly Northcut-Suarez. We've been married for 11 years, so we have two beautiful children.

[JESSE] [-children's names-] We got married on June 14, 2008, in downtown Dallas. Beautiful wedding.

[KIMBERLY] About three months after the wedding, we got pregnant with [---]. That was kind of a surprise.

[JESSE] Yeah. Things changed. I was in that moment. Very successful. You know, coming out of high school soccer, coaching, high school soccer. And I was just offered to be full time.

[KIMBERLY] I think my expectations were that he was going to help me and be there. And I felt like I was doing a lot of it on my own.

[JESSE] To me, I was being a father by providing to my wife and to my daughter.

[KIMBERLY] You know, I didn't see Jessie until late. Seven, eight, nine o'clock, sometimes 10. And he was exhausted. He got to the point where, honestly, I felt like a single mother. I had no help. I was doing everything. And weekends, you know, it was a hit or miss if we saw each other. And he began to lie to me about certain things and certain occasions were, instead of him working--or I'm thinking he's working--and he's playing soccer. You know, he's out on the soccer field on his one day off. And I had no idea. I think the final straw for me, it was on his birthday. I remember asking him, you know, 'Hey, you know, my mom has the kids. We could go out. We can go enjoy. We can go have our time. Just talk to each other." And I remember he said, "I really don't feel like doing anything. Can we just go home and just chill at home and relax?" So we did his cake and we blew out his candles and he gets a phone call from his friend, and I guess they had made arrangements, and he decided to just leave me at home with the kids. And I remember sitting on the couch and that was my breaking point.

[JESSE] After that, Kimberly sat me down, and she asked me for a divorce. So I started praying to God help me, change me. I started working out, and I was at a gym. And, there was this man behind me that kept looking at me. Suddenly he comes forward towards me and he said, "whatever you're going through, know that Jesus Christ is with you." And that's when I started, you know, crying because I had been praying for God to show me a sign that to change me. He said, I have a group, a study, of men, you know, and we all come come together at my garage. And I told him my situation. He was like, "oh, man, we're the right people for you!" The guys started giving me advice, you know, like 40-days of love letters, to her, before she leaves to work. Another guy told me, you know, bring her flowers every Friday. I saw that it wasn't touching her. So, I talked with Pastor Chuck, and I did re-engage on my own, with other couples. I think I was the only person there without my wife.

[KIMBERLY] So two years pass and I am slowly kind of seeing this authentic Jesse who is true. And, you know, I was the one who had the cold heart.

[JESSE] I kept walking through this hallway and there was always this verse. I started praying, asking Him, "God if this marriage is going to continue. I said, and if it doesn't, that's your will. I said, please don't leave me. Don't leave me, God. Be with me."

[KIMBERLY] It wasn't until I heard a voice. I kid you not. "You prayed for this man. I gave him to you. Now you don't want him?" I said, "OK, God. Soften my heart. Slowly, you know, at the beginning, it was kind of hard. And I spoke to him [Jesse] and I said, "look, I've decided that I want to try this," I said, "but bear with me because I'm hurt." The biggest thing for me was that he did all this on his own. I was amazed at everything that he had done. Counseling, re-engage, just this group of friends and just the fact that he held up with it. That's kind of like where we stand now in the hope I have for our marriage as it continues to grow with Christ first. I think that's the most important thing.

[JESSE] And if you put him first, everything else will follow.

Do you hear that? Amen! Did you notice how God dealt with them individually? That God first dealt with Jesse in his heart and then as Jesse sought to just live as God would have him to in the relationship, God dealt with with Kim. That's the way it works. My question for you is, where are you in your marriage today? Are you committed to letting God change you? Because that's the starting point. Don't give up on your marriage. Don't give up on your relationship, but it begins with your accountability.



Recorded in Frisco, Texas.